My week was progressing nicely and then suddenly...cell phone problems! Utter panic. Internal chaos. A feeling of complete disconnection and helplessness. WHAT IF SOMEONE REALLY IMPORTANT NEEDS TO TELL ME SOMETHING REALLY IMPORTANT??!!
1) By text?...hmmm...probably not all that likely, now that I think about it.
2) And they don't have my home phone number? Also not likely, I guess, when I consider the cast of characters who might need to deliver those really important lines.
3) And I can't find out about it just by looking at facebook?
Completely unlikely. It seems I get all my most important news via facebook these days...but then I guess that telling fact also explains the ridiculous feeling of complete disconnection and helplessness caused by one afternoon's interruption in my cell phone usage. I have to say, the panicked voice of the young man on the other end at the T-Mobile call center didn't help. He seemed to swing back and forth between sounding like someone apologizing for doing something dire like running over my dog, and someone convinced that I might jump at any moment and that he was the only hope for talking me down. I wanted to reassure him that I was okay, that I could live until my new phone arrived the next day (it was supposed to be here by 3pm, by the way...so WHERE IS IT??!!)
I am developing a suspicion that our culture may be training us to be completely absorbed in relatively trivial things. Not like when I used to watch The Young and the Restless and Nicki and Victor would get a divorce...and remarry...and get a divorce...and remarry...and for some reason I kept tuning in. No, this is more like the whole world has become a reality show. I would like to get a peek inside the booth and see who is responsible for the editing. It must be somebody smart, an evil mastermind with a firm grasp of both the allure of technology and man's basic need to feel connected. Because the content is pretty stupid most of the time, but we all keep watching. I saw a disclaimer at the end of a reality show recently that said "content may have been edited for entertainment purposes." I think they should also start tacking that on the end of the 10:00 news.
The fact that there are Kardashians in the world, for instance, and that people buy magazines to watch them gain/lose weight, speaks volumes. Or that there is an entire TV channel devoted to the Jodi Arias trial. My sister and I eat lunch at the same restaurant every Wednesday. There is a TV there. It plays only the Jodi Arias trial. It's a restaurant that serves only locally sourced, organic food that is delicious and, as a bonus, makes you feel a little self-righteous and pretty darn good about yourself. Smug even. BUT THEIR TV PLAYS ONLY THE JODI ARIAS TRIAL? I would expect maybe some kind of nature channel, or perhaps TED talks...you know, what passes as 21st century brain food.
Now most of what I do on my cell phone is relatively worthwhile. I communicate with people I love. I allow my children to beat me at Wordfeud. I take pictures of amazing things I am eating or of beautiful things I see and send them as little virtual postcards to say, "wish you were here!" I recently figured out how to use the calendar function and set alarms to remind me of things I forget. That should become increasingly useful as I become increasingly forgetful. I don't use facebook on my phone. Having to actually sit down and turn on my computer now and then provides the little extra step I'm counting on to keep me from becoming completely enslaved.
I'm hesitant to allow our relationship to become any deeper, even though I know I only use about .01% of my amazing little device's capability. Because I'm already an addict. I take comfort in that familiar little weight in my pocket. But a cellphone seems to come equipped with a million insidious tendrils that will work their way into your tiniest cracks, if you show weakness. If I download one more app, I'll probably soon find myself using the phone while using the bathroom, or texting while simultaneously eating a cheeseburger and getting on the freeway. Or, heaven forbid, watching TV on my phone! In fact, some poor fool is probably watching the Jodi Arias trial on his phone right now...speaking of which...hmmm...I wonder if I could figure out how to listen to TED talks on mine...AND IT'S 3:05! WHERE'S THAT DARN UPS GUY?!