Whew! Finally at the end of what has definitely been one of the most challenging weeks of my life. Medical Disneyworld! I got to ride all the rides! And I am still standing to tell the tale. Perhaps sometimes we underestimate our own strength. Perhaps that's why the universe takes it upon itself to put us up to a mirror now and then and make us take a long look right in the eyes. No blinking. Just a good solid week of "know thyself" training. And when it happens, it sucks. We can only hope that we come out better somehow for having had the experience. And in this case, I do hope that.
When God holds up a really harsh lens, somehow it allows us to see more clearly. It's like the bad things are able to magnify the good. Tender mercies become suddenly apparent. And they were all around this week. I received so many words of kindness and concern from friends far and near. Every word helped me feel just a bit stronger. And the crazy thing was, I received random words of kindness from people who didn't even know I was caught in the worst week of my life. But they somehow felt impressed to reach out anyway. It made such a difference. Those folks won't ever even know they were holding me up! But that's okay, because I know. And all I can assume is that, if there was any point at all to this little exercise, it was probably to make me more cognizant of the fact that I am not alone.
None of us is. Of course, with that knowledge comes the responsibility to be there as a support when it's someone else's turn to need. And that requires paying attention. To my life, and to yours too. Open my eyes, my mind, my heart, and then most importantly, my hands and mouth when I find a place they could help. And use them to just say thank you for the daily wonders I notice in my life merely by paying attention. Forever in debt.
The bottom line is, after all the scans and ultrasounds and x-rays and poking and prodding and blood-letting that have gone on this week, it seems I will live to see 50. And if I'm lucky, far beyond that (wait -- is there life beyond 50? Wow...I'm about to find out...ummm...soonish). Still a few unanswered medical questions, but I am mostly healthy. Good for me. Because I have also seen, in some important ways, I can be better. And that's useful information to carry into the second half.