Things I learned from 2013:
1. There may be something to the whole "number 13" thing. Although I am not a superstitious person in general, I have decided I will be skipping 2113.
2. There is an alternate reality in which you can eat anything you want and not gain weight. However, it's not as great as you might think. You really just find different things to worry about (but admittedly, you get fries with that).
3. Some things we do not grow out of. My fear of spiders, for instance, only seems to increase with the size of the spider. And I probably have yet to meet my biggest spider.
4. Everything you say can and will be used against you in a court of actual life events. In fact, it really may be safer to just never say anything. One illustration of this principle is the fact that my daughter Hannah's new beau appears to love country music. The irony of this fact is so delicious that I may not need to eat again until June. Hannah, on the other hand, will probably be eating a great deal, and far into the future. On the plus side, words are not fries.
5. Stuff happens, and it appears this will continue to be the case. As a simple test of this fact, close your eyes and complete this sentence..."I WILL NEVER ____________." Once you have filled in the blank, just wait. But you should probably open your eyes or you won't see it coming.
6. If you do not want to be where your feet are standing, move. For years I dreamed of moving to the desert, and having just finished my first year of actually living here, I find it to be even better than I imagined. For instance, I did not know that the desert not only blooms, sometimes the entire thing shouts for joy in amazing and endless yellow. (I wonder sometimes whether I am also in possession of such miraculous, unrealized possibilities? Because I look at you and I'm pretty sure you are.) The first time I saw the miracle grass spring up 6 hours after a rainstorm, I knew why I felt so drawn to this terrain. We understand each other. And on most days, we both fail to fully utilize our potential. The desert will teach me things.
7. If you grew up sleeping in a bed with someone, you probably have certain responsibilities to that person for the rest of your life. It appears that families may actually be forever...yes, starting now. So enjoy the good bits more, and never give up trying to improve the not-so-good bits.
8. There is a strong possibility that turning 50 is more than halfway. However, you still can't see the end. In fact, you can hardly see anything at all without your glasses. On a related note, menus are written for young people.
9. Learning the same lessons again and again means you haven't learned them. Perhaps you should meet with the teacher, evaluate the way you learn and come up with an individualized learning plan to help you make more progress.
10. Whatever doesn't kill you, leaves you alive so you can grow from it. Or at least write about it.
This is not a comprehensive list. In truth, it is merely a list of "Things I Realized I Learned from 2013 While Eating the First McDonald's Breakfast of 2014." So don't read too much into it.